Tribute to God

A Tribute to Our Lord Jesus Christ

I believe many of you had heard the news about the 4.93 a few weeks ago during a sermon by Wenjiang. Honestly, I did not want it to be announced until I have made sense of it and able to tell of the story that is praise worthy to our Lord Jesus Christ. I would normally procrastinate this sort of testimony and because I am unable to put it across in manner that glorifies God, the testimony to the power of our Lord Jesus goes unseen. Many of you, mostly those I serve closely with, have heard or seen bits and pieces of what I have been through these few months. However, here is a full picture of what the Lord has done in my life: A Tribute to Our Lord Jesus Christ.

This was a semester that I was quite worried about because for some factors. This semester’s subjects were tougher than the usual that I have experienced for the past few semesters. This was also a semester that I was adapting to a new role of a Ula, many things that I don’t know and trying to learn and with many heartaches as well. In addition was a role to be the Uni-YA camp head, managing such a big event with many new things like the air-con was quite a challenge to me. In the midst, I was challenged by the devil to doubt God’s calling for my life, to doubt His goodness and His providence and many many times I struggled. However, throughout the entire semester, I had the deep assurance that this is something God called me to do and I will do it uncompromisingly. I do not want to regret not doing what He called me to do just because of a few CAP or GPA points.

Then came the preparation for the exams. The 2 weeks before the exams started was a very crucial one to me, I thought that I could study really hard to catch up with whatever I needed to. (Just like many previous semesters. Please don’t try this, if you can be consistent, do be). One and a half weeks before the exams, I got a fever. I thought that it was a normal fever and that God is going to test me again like the last semester when I had a terrible cold and cough. I continued to study, drinking a lot of water and when it did not subside in 2-3 days, I took some panadol. But the fever and headache got so bad that I could not study anymore but to take more rest. The day after I had shepherded my sheep (he was so afraid that he might get it from me), I woke up with many spots on my body and this really startled me. Is this chicken pox? Is God going to give me this biggest test ever? Am I going to be able to take my exams? Will I need to stay back for one more semester? I was really afraid and did not know what was going to happen. I pray and ask God not to test me.

I went to the doctor and there he told me that I have got Chicken pox! I was still at a loss of what to do, but I was more assured when the doctor told me that I could still take the exams. I went away from the fellowship in school and back home to be isolated. This was the beginning of the 2 day nightmare. The first day was an outbreak of sores and spots. It was all over and was extremely itchy. It was so bad that I could not do anything. I tried everything, calamine lotion, air con, bath, fan, study my notes, reading my Bible, praying. Nothing I can do consistently for more than 5 minutes. I wasn’t even able to sleep and thus stayed up the whole night staring blankly into space. I could even recall the frustration of why I had to go through this and I vent it by punching my pillow I tried to read the book of Job (he was famous for the sores), but it just showed me how far I am away from Job. Job was praising God in the midst of something worse than me, I was almost blaming God for what is happening. It showed me how far I have fallen short of the standard of God.

The next night was a night of high fever reaching 39 degrees for almost 5 hours. An extreme headache accompanied with it. I was just lying on my bed, asking God to take it away. Even in the midst of sleeping, I was dreaming non-stop and constantly waking up. At times I wonder, will this have a permanent impact on my life. To top it up, my mum was frustrated with what happened to me because she was very worried too. Her frustration made her blame what happened to me on being too busy doing church stuff, causing me not to have enough rest. But I thank God for my mum, she made meals for me, brought the meals and water to me, went up and down the stairs to take good care of me, and nursed me back to health. So, there were voices by the devil telling me to doubt God and start cursing Him. Thankfully, with whatever conscious mind I had I that time, I don’t remember saying or thinking anything blasphemous to God. I kept holding onto the promise that God is going to bring me through tonight because He died and rose again and has conquered all illness.

The next morning came where the fever subsided, I was relieved. However, before I rested my mind, I remembered that the next day is my first exam and I have not fully prepared. The anxiousness and fear once again gripped me. I enquired from the school and I must take the paper if not I will have to stay back for one more semester. After some praying and thinking through, I decided to go on with the papers. For the next 3 weeks, I went for papers less adequately prepared as compared to past semesters. Normally, I could study till late and push the limits by my determination, but this time there was no way I could do that. The sickness took the energy and I just could not study and had to restIt was a period of much uncertainty and also many things I have learnt. It was a period of experience His grace and providence to a greater extent, a time where I understood His heart better, and a time that I understood myself better.

My thanksgiving
I thank God for my mum specifically who was suffering from knee problems but made meals and drinks, and brought them to me by climbing up and down the stairs. She is a faithful mother who also took a week’s leave to take care of me and nursed me back to health. For my uncle, a taxi driver who took me to and fro from NTU and back home at a minimal cost. The NYC community: The brothers and sisters who contributed to the blessing box of encouragement and bringing it all the way to my doorstep. The many text messages that came to remind me of the Truth and keep my mind from turning too negative. My dear sheep, Eng Seng who came to pray for me on my first paper and told me that he missed me so dearly.

His grace
I had to go to an isolation room for my papers so that I won’t spread to the others in the main hall. Most of the times I am there early and in another room waiting for the exam to start. The times of waiting can be quite agonizing because I know I have not prepared adequately but I needed to sit for the paper no matter what and there is nothing that I can do at that point. There was one paper, while I was waiting and worrying that I am not prepared, Tim sent me a text message, it was a passage from 2 Corinthians 12:7-10, Paul was recounting God’s grace upon His life. Verse 9 really reminded me of God’s grace and His power, that it is sufficient and enough to bring me through anything. I was really clinging onto God’s grace for any outcome of this examination. I held His grace dearly to my heart as I prepare for the next papers, that when I did my best to study but yet not able to adequately prepare, I know His grace will cover me. And indeed, 4.93 or whatever outcome is there is a testimony of His grace that sufficiently covered me. It was then that my determination, perseverance was taken away from me, that I realize how great God’s grace is. It is something that the Lord made me learn through these circumstances.

His timing
Another thing that amazes me is the timing of His blessings. He times His blessing in a way that will bring Him most praise and glory. This was the worst semester for me in terms of the academic preparation under the circumstances of ministry and the illness but is by very far, the best semester in terms of the academic results. If such results were to be given to be in the past few semesters, I would have become proud and claim it as my achievements and not given glory to the Lord. If it was given to me earlier without these circumstances, I would have wanted to do even better and pursue the first class honours in the expense of my calling from God.

Let go, let God
I was quite bent on pursuing my first class and was a bit disappointed when I realize it’s going to be a arduous task as I will have to get 4.9 for the next 2 semesters which I thought was quite impossible. I was beginning to get bitter with God because I thought that if I had spent less time in ministry and more time to study, I would not be risking my first class honours like now. But I made a decision after speaking to my mentor one day that I know that I am pursuing God’s call and purpose in my life and first class or not, it is up to Him. I found confidence in the will of the Lord for my life.

It is through these circumstances that God’s power is shown so magnificently in my weakness. No one including myself can attribute it to myself to get such wonderful results. It is indeed a true tribute to the Lord. It really tells me that God spares no good gift to His child in His timing and in accordance to what He knows is best for His child. He shows me that He really takes care of me and His power is more unimaginable as I obey Him more and more in my life.

Through this testimony, I will like to encourage you to continue to pursue God’s will for your life relentlessly, to be faithful to keep to what He has called you to do and to be, to continue to fulfill the Great Commission. And His assurance is that His grace will cover you and He wants the best for you as you follow His call in obedience.

Enghow